in Laoch Onórach

I’m Not Your Good Minority: On Unconditional Acceptance

“Hear me out now

You’re gonna listen to me like it or not, right now”

Faint, Linkin Park

There are two types of lack of acceptance.

The first is the obvious one, bigotry that leads to blatant harm, the type that society claims to condemn (but systemically enforces).

The second form that is societally accepted and much more insidious, the acceptance based on qualifiers, based on our making ourselves comfortable and easy to accept.

The autistic who always makes eye contact. The trans person that perfectly passes as their gender. The gay person who doesn’t make such a big deal about it.

Accepting us as long as we make every effort to hide the way that we are actually different, accepting us as long as we hide anything that might make it hard to accept us.

I refuse.

I refuse to pretend that I’m one of you, to hide myself, just so you can pretend that you actually care about who I am without needing to make any effort.

I read an journal article with a quote from everyone’s (least) favorite trans icon Caitlyn Jenner that ended with:

If you’re out there and, to be honest with you, if you look like a man in a dress, it makes people uncomfortable.

Along with an article where Bernie Sanders is quoted saying “I am not a great fan of being rude or disrupting activities.”

Acceptance should not be conditional on not being “rude or disrupting” or making people “uncomfortable”.

Acceptance is not conditional whatsoever, if there is anything that an oppressed person needs to change before you accept them you are not accepting them whatsoever.

Acceptance means accepting the totality of someone’s humanity not just the parts that are like you. Support of someone as long as they package and hide the parts that make them different from you isn’t support at all as it requires a drain of resources to force ourselves to pretend we are the same.

We are not you. By our very nature we are different. Requiring any effort from us to make that difference less obvious in order to pretend to give a damn about who we are as people is almost worse than not pretending at all because forcing us to make that effort is more of a drain than you just admitting to yourself and us that what is actually important is your comfort not our lives.

We can not, will not, and should not have to pretend to be the same as you no matter the damage to ourselves to get anywhere in your society, just because if we do you’ll give us your support for our performance.

I’m pissed off and you should be too. I refute your calls for respectability or civility as a minority activist, refuse to take effort from fighting these inhumanities to simultaneously hide parts of myself to please you and make you feel like I’m enough like you to deserve your acceptance. If you think that you’re worth it, as I made clear in my favorite article you’re really not as important as you think.

I’m not your good minority, I will not fall in line with your demands for you to recognize my humanity, will not change myself (which causes me great harm as my post on passing makes clear) to be just like you because you can’t actually accept anyone who is totally different than you.

You should accept all marginalized people for exactly what we are. I’ll accept nothing less.

-Laoch Onórach

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  1. Acceptance is done with accommodation, but it’s discrimination for the privileged to demand accommodation from the disadvantaged if they want to exist.